It is ALWAYS too soon. It is never easy. It is none the less inevitable.

   

George Carlin's Views On Aging .

 Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like
to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years
old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!"

You're never thirty-six and a half.

You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back.
You jump to the next number ... or even a few ahead.
"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13,
but hey, you're gonna be 16!

And then the greatest day of your life ... you become 21.
Even the words sound like a ceremony . . . YOU BECOME
21. YESSSS!!! But then you turn 30. Oooohh what
happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk.
He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now.
You're just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40.

Whoa! Put on the brakes .. it's all slipping away. Before you
know it, you REACH 50 ... and your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE IT to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and
MAKE IT to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that
it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! You get into
your 80s and every day is a complete cycle;

you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.

And it doesn't end there Into the 90s, you start going
backwards ... "I Was JUST 92." Then a strange thing happens.
If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again.

"I'm 100 and a half!"

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

"Steal Away"
(Spiritual Hummed in The Background)

 I was Walking in Savannah, By a Church, Decayed and Dim,
When Through The Window Came A Plantiff Funeral Hymn.

A Sympathy Awakened and a Wander Quickly Grew,
When I found Myself Environed in a Tiny Little Pew.

Up Front a Couple Sat In Sorrow Nearly Wild,
On The Altar Was a Coffin. In The Coffin Was A Child.

Rose a Sad, Old gangly Preacher From a Little, Wooden Desk,
With a Manner Grandly Awkward And A Countenance Grotesque. ........

and he said.........

Now Don't You be A Weepin' For That Pretty Bit of Clay,
'Cause The Lord Almighty's Come And He's Taken her Away.

Now She's Doing Mighty Fine In That Big House Up Above;
And yeah, Sho' 'Nuff, He Appreciates Your Love.

The Lord Didn't Give You That Baby By a Hundred Thousand Miles.
He Just Thought He'd Let You Love Her And Keep Her For Awhile.

Now, My Poor Dejected Mourners, Let Your Hearts With Jesus rest; And Don't Go Criticizing The One That Knows The Best.

He's Give Us Many Sorrows. He's Got The Right To Take Away.
Glory Hallelujah! -- Now, Brother Let Us Pray.
   

EXPLANATION OF GOD
written by an 8 year old for his third grade homework assignment.

 "One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grownups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way he doesn't have to take up his valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers."

"God's second most important job is listening to prayers.. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times beside bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because he hears everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in his ears, unless he has thought of a way to turn it off."

"God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting his time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have." "Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there aren't any who come to our church."

"Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of him preaching to them and they crucified him But he was good and kind, like his father, and he told his father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said O.K."

"His dad (God) appreciated everything that he had done and all his hard work on earth so he told him he didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in heaven. So he did. And now he helps his dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones he can take care of himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important."

"You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time." "You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God. Don't skip church or do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong.

And besides the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway." "If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared, in the dark or when you can't swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids."

"But...you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and he can take me back anytime he pleases. And...that's why I believe in God."

Highway 109

A drunk man in an Oldsmobile They said had run the light
That caused the six car pileup On 109 that night.
When broken bodies lay about And blood was everywhere,
The sirens screamed out eulogies, For death was in the air

A mother, trapped inside her car, Was heard above the noise,
Her plaintive plea near split the air: Oh, God, please spare my boys!"
She fought to loose her pinned hands; She struggled to get free,
But mangled metal held her fast In grim captivity.

Her frightened eyes then focused On where the back seat once had been, But all she saw was broken glass and Two children's seats crushed in.
Her twins were nowhere to be seen; She did not hear them cry,
And then she prayed they'd been thrown free, Oh, God, don't let them die!

Then firemen came and cut her loose, But when they searched the back, They found therein no little boys, But the seat belts were intact.
They thought the woman had gone mad And was traveling alone;
But when they turned to question her, They discovered she was gone.

Policemen saw her running wild And screaming above the noise
In beseeching supplication, Please help me find my boys!
They're four years old and wear blue shirt Their jeans are blue to match." One cop spoke up, "They're in my car, And they don't have a scratch.

They said their daddy put them there And gave them each a cone,
Then told them both to wait for Mom To come and take them home.
I've searched the area high and low, But I can not find their dad.
He must have fled the scene,I guess, and that is very bad."

The mother hugged the twins and said, While wiping at a tear,
"He could not flee the scene, you see, For he's been dead a year."
The cop just looked confused and asked "Now, how can that be true?"
The boys said, "Mommy, Daddy came And left a kiss for you."

He told us not to worry And that you would be all right,
And then he put us in this car with The pretty, flashing light.
We wanted him to stay with us, Because we miss him so,
But Mommy, he just hugged us tight And said he had to go.

He said someday we'd understand And told us not to fuss,
And he said to tell you, Mommy, He's watching over us."
The mother knew without a doubt That what they spoke was true,
For she recalled their dad's last words, "I will watch over you."

The firemen's notes could not explain The twisted, mangled car,
And how the three of them escaped Without a single scar
But on the cop's report was scribed, In print so very fine,
An angel walked the beat tonight On Highway 109.
   

Glass of Milk

One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry. He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door. Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it slowly, and then asked, How much do I owe you?" You don't owe me anything," she replied. "Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness." He said.... "Then I thank you from my heart." As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit.

Many year's later that same young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease. Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes. Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room. Dressed in his doctor's gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at once. He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to her case.

After a long struggle, the battle was won. Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay! for it all. Finally she looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill. She read these words.....

"Paid in full with one glass of milk" (Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly.

Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: "Thank You, God, that Your love has spread broad through human hearts and hands" There's a saying which goes something like this: Bread cast on the waters comes back to you. The good deed you do today may benefit you or someone you love at the least expected time. If you never see the deed again at least you will have made the world a better place - And, after all, isn't that what life is all about?

The Heart

"Tomorrow morning," the surgeon began, "I'll open up your heart... "You'll find Jesus there," the boy interrupted. The surgeon looked up, annoyed "I'll cut your heart open," he continued, to see how much damage has been done..."  "But when you open up my heart, you'll find Jesus in there," said the boy.  The surgeon looked to the parents, who sat quietly.

"When I see how much damage has been done, I'll sew your heart and chest back up, and I'll plan what to do next." "But you'll find Jesus in my heart. The Bible says He lives there. The hymns all say He lives there. You'll find Him in my heart."  The surgeon had had enough. "I'll tell you what I'll find in your heart. I'll find damaged muscle, low blood supply, and weakened vessels. And I'll find out if I can make you well." "You'll find Jesus there too. He lives there."  The surgeon left. 

The surgeon sat in his office, recording his notes from the surgery, "...damaged aorta, damaged pulmonary vein, widespread muscle degeneration. No hope for transplant, no hope for cure. Therapy: painkillers and bed rest. Prognosis:, " here he paused, "death within one year."  He stopped the recorder, but there was more to be said.

"Why?" he asked aloud. "Why did You do this? You've put him here; You've put him in this pain; and You've cursed him to an early death. Why?"  The Lord answered and said, "The boy, My lamb, was not meant for your flock for long, for he is a part of My flock, and will forever be. Here, in My flock, he will feel no pain, and will be comforted as you cannot imagine. His parents will one day join him here, and they will know peace, and My flock will continue to grow." 

The surgeon's tears were hot, but his anger was hotter. "You created that boy, and You created that heart. He'll be dead in months. Why?" The Lord answered, "The boy, My lamb, shall return to My flock, for He has Done his duty: I did not put My lamb with your flock to lose him, but to retrieve another lost lamb."  The surgeon wept.. The surgeon sat beside the boy's bed; the boy's parents sat across from him. The boy awoke and whispered, "Did you cut open my heart?" "Yes," said the surgeon. "What did you find?" asked the boy. 

"I found Jesus there," said the surgeon.
   

The Old Barn

A stranger came by the other day with an offer that set me to thinking. He wanted to buy the old barn that sits out by the highway. I told him right off he was crazy. He was a city type, you could tell by his clothes, his car, his hands, and the way he talked. He said he was driving by and saw that beautiful barn sitting out in the tall grass and wanted to know if it was for sale. I told him he had a funny idea of beauty.

Sure, it was a handsome building in its day. But then, there's been a lot of winters pass with their snow and ice and howling wind. The summer sun's beat down on that old barn till all the paint's gone, and the wood has turned silver gray. Now the old building leans a good deal, looking kind of tired. Yet, that fellow called it beautiful. That set me to thinking.

I walked out to the field and just stood there, gazing at that old barn. The stranger said he planned to use the lumber to line the walls of his den in a new country home he's building down the road. He said you couldn't get paint that beautiful. Only years of standing in the weather, bearing the storms and scorching sun, only that can produce beautiful barn wood. It came to me then.

We're a lot like that, you and I. Only it's on the inside that the beauty grows with us. Sure we turn silver gray too . and lean a bit more than we did when we were young and full of sap. But the Good Lord knows what He's doing. And as the years pass He's busy using the hard wealth of our lives, the dry spells and the stormy seasons, to do a job of beautifying our souls that nothing else can produce. And to think how often folks holler because they want life easy!

They took the old barn down today and hauled it away to beautify a rich man's house. And I reckon someday you and I'll be hauled off to Heaven to take on whatever chores the Good Lord has for us on the Great Sky Ranch. And I suspect we'll be more beautiful then for the seasons we've been through here ... and just maybe even add a bit of beauty to our Father's house.

May there be peace within you today. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. I believe that friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

A Woman and a Fork

There was a young woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things "in order," she contacted her Minister and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes. She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in. Everything was in order and the Minister was preparing to leave when the young woman suddenly remembered something very important to her. "There's one more thing," she said excitedly. "What's that?" came the Minister's reply.

"This is very important," the young woman continued. "I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand."

The Minister stood looking at the young woman, not knowing quite what to say. That surprises you, doesn't it?" the young woman asked. "Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request," said the Minister. The young woman explained. "My grandmother once told me this story, and from that time on I have always tried to pass along its message to those I love and those who are in need of encouragement. In all my years of attending socials and dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, 'Keep your fork.' It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming...like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance!

So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder "What's with the fork?" Then I want you to tell them: "Keep your fork ..the best is yet to come. The Minister's eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the young woman good-bye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But he also knew that the young woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did. She had a better grasp of what heaven would be like than many people twice her age, with twice as much experience and knowledge.

She KNEW that something better was coming. At the funeral people were walking by the young woman's casket and they saw the fork placed in her right hand. Over and over, the Minister heard the question "What's with the fork?" And over and over he smiled. During his message, the Minister told the people of the conversation he had with the young woman shortly before she died. He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her. He told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either. He was right.

So the next time you reach down for your fork let it remind you, ever so gently, that the best is yet to come. Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their hearts to us. Show your friends how much you care. Remember to always be there for them, even when you need them more.

For you never know when it may be their time to "Keep your fork." Cherish the time you have, and the memories you share ... being friends with someone is not an opportunity but a sweet responsibility.
   

Pecans In The Cemetery

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence. Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate.

Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls."

The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..." The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord."

Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord. At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done."

They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the boy on the bike.

Beautiful Flower in An Old Pail

Our house was directly across the street from the clinic entrance of Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. We lived downstairs and rented the upstairs rooms to out patients at the clinic. One summer evening as I was fixing supper, there was a knock at the door. I opened it to see a truly awful looking man. "Why, he's hardly taller than my eight-year-old," I thought as I stared at the stooped, shriveled body. But the appalling thing was his face, lopsided from swelling, red and raw. Yet his voice was pleasant as he said, "Good evening. I've come to see if you've a room for just one night. I came for a treatment this morning from the Eastern shore, and there's no bus 'till morning."

He told me he'd been hunting for a room since noon but with no success, no one seemed to have a room. "I guess it's my face... I know it looks terrible, but my doctor says with a few more treatments...." For a moment I hesitated, but his next words convinced me: "I could sleep in this rocking chair on the porch. My bus leaves early in the morning." I told him we would find him a bed, but to rest on the porch. I went inside and finished getting supper. When we were ready, I asked the old man if he would join us. "No thank you. I have plenty." And he held up a brown paper bag.

When I had finished the dishes, I went out on the porch to talk with him a few minutes. It didn't take a long time to see that this old man had an oversized heart crowded into that tiny body. He told me he fished for a living to support his daughter, her five children, and her husband, who was hopelessly crippled from a back injury. He didn't tell it by way of complaint; in fact, every other sentence was prefaced with thanks to God for a blessing. He was grateful that no pain accompanied his disease, which was apparently a form of skin cancer. He thanked God for giving him the strength to keep going. At bedtime, we put a camp cotin the children's room for him. When I got up in the morning, the bed linens were neatly folded and the little man was out on the porch.

He refused breakfast, but just before he left for his bus, haltingly, as if asking a great favor, he said, "Could I please come back and stay the next time I have a treatment? I won't put you out a bit. I can sleep fine in a chair." He paused a moment and then added, "Your children made me feel at home. Grownups are bothered by my face, but children don't seem to mind." I told him he was welcome to come again. And on his next trip he arrived a little after seven in the morning. As a gift, he brought a big fish and a quart of the largest oysters I had ever seen. He said he had shucked them that morning before he left so that they'd be nice and fresh. I knew his bus left at 4:00 A.M. and I wondered what time he had to get up in order to do this for us.

During the years he came to stay overnight with us there was never a time that he did not bring us fish or oysters or vegetables from his garden. Other times we received packages in the mail, always by special delivery; fish and oysters packed in a box of fresh young spinach or kale, every leaf carefully washed. Knowing that he must walk three miles to mail these, and knowing how little money he had made the gifts doubly precious. When I received these little remembrances, I often thought of a comment our network neighbor made after he left that first morning. "Did you keep that awful looking man last night? I turned him away! You can lose roomers by putting up such people!"

Maybe we did lose roomers once or twice. But oh! If only they could have known him, perhaps their illness' would have been easier to bear. I know our family always will be grateful to have known him; from him we learned what it was to accept the bad without complaint and the good with gratitude to God. Recently I was visiting a friend who has a greenhouse. As she showed me her flowers, we came to the most beautiful one of all, a golden chrysanthemum, bursting with blooms. But to my great surprise, it was growing in an old dented, rusty bucket. I thought to myself, "If this were my plant, I'd put it in the loveliest container I had!"

My friend changed my mind. "I ran short of pots," she explained, and knowing how beautiful this one would be, I thought it wouldn't mind starting out in this old pail. It's just for a little while, till I can put it out in the garden." She must have wondered why I laughed so delightedly, but I was imagining just such a scene in heaven. "Here's an especially beautiful one," God might have said when he came to the soul of the sweet old fisherman. "He won't mind starting in this small body."

All this happened long ago -- and now, in God's garden, how tall this lovely soul must stand. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." (I Samuel 16:7)
   

From Schoolchildren:

Why did God make mothers?
1.-She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2.-Think about it, it was the best way to get more people.
3.-Mostly to clean the house.
4.-To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1.- He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2.- Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3.- God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1.- We're related.
2.- God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1- God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2.-They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string. I think.
What kind of little girl was your mom?
1.- My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2.- I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3.- They say she used to be nice.
How did your mom meet your dad?
1.- Mom was working in a store and dad was shoplifting.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1.- His last name.
2.- She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer? Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores.
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1.- My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2.- She got too old to do anything else with him.
3.- My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on. What makes a real woman?
1.- It means you have to be really bossy without looking bossy. Who's the boss at your house?
1.- Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because Dad's such a goofball.
2.- Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3.- I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad.
What's the difference between moms and dads?
1.- Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just got to work at work.
2.- Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3.- Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you gotta ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1.- Mothers don't do spare time. 2.-To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What's the difference between moms and grandmas?
1.- About 30 years.
2.- You can always count on grandmothers for candy. Sometimes moms don't even have bread on them!
Describe the world's greatest mom?
1.- She would make broccoli taste like ice cream!
2.- She'd always be smiling and keep her opinions to herself.
Is anything about your mom perfect?
1.- Her teeth are perfect, but she bought them from the dentist. 2.- Her casserole recipes. But we hate them.
3.- Just her children
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1.- On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2.- Diet. You know, her hair. I'd dye-it, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1.- She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2.- I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.

MOM - Job Description

POSITION:
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma 

JOB DESCRIPTION: 
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess  excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.  Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required. 

RESPONSIBILITIES: 
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.  Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.  Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility. 

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION: 
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you 

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: 
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. 
 
WAGES AND COMPENSATION: 
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the  assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. 

BENEFITS: 
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.